Useless Uterus: My Infertility Story

Lets see, where should I begin, I guess the scene of crime is a good place to start. The crime, why do I call it a crime, you may wonder, because on one hand, I have been robbed, stolen from, hoodwinked, bamboozled, and lead astray. On the other hand, I could not imagine a more blessed and amazing situation, are you confused yet? Clearly the title has given you a clue as to what this post is going to be about, no more stonewalling, let’s get to it.

bug1

If you follow me on any social media or you have talked to me for any amount of time, then you know I have a deep love for my children, they are my reason for fighting. What you may not know is that, I didn’t give birth to them(insert gasp). Yes, you heard it here folks, I am not their birth mother. Now, I am going to give you the basics but I will not share every lil detail. So here goes(in a nutshell), my period, from its start(age 11) has been a thorn in my flesh. It was never regular, would disappear for months and just gave me pure hell. Early on, I knew something was wrong and I knew that this was not normal but I was too young to truly understand the impact that this would have on my life. Fast forward to the young woman, lets just say that if I was “normal” reproductively speaking, there would be several mini me(s) running around. Now, I wasn’t loose and I was in a monogamous and committed relationship and I was not getting pregnant, in my young and immature mind, this was great! I could sex my brains out and not worry.

Well, a few years down the line, the worry kicked in. How could this be, I am having sex, off of birth control, and using no protection. I went to my mom and she would say, “all in God’s timing.” Turns out the issues wasn’t God’s timing, I or should I say my ability was the issue. After a lengthy battle with several GYNs, I came to find out that I have PCOS and getting pregnant would be a bit of a challenge. I began taking Metformin(the devil’s creation) and dropping the pounds, yet I did not get pregnant. After a few years of that, I went back to the doctor had more invasive and at times painful tests done only to be told that I would need medical intervention(Clomid).

Baby girl
My Enigma, My love

After a few years, the panic began to set in and living with a Useless Uterus become a real possibility. One day, around my 27/28th bday, I felt a pain that I had never felt before, it landed me in the ER. After a bunch of jumping through hoops, cussing a few folks out, crying, praying,  and begging; I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, another reproductive gut punch. By then, I was at the end of my rope, afraid, anxious, depressed, and pissed the hell off. I was a good girl, never loose with my body, healthy, always did the right things; how could this be happening to me!! Frankly, I have 2 theories: 1) my parents had me late in life and 2) its genetic, every woman in my family has some kind of menstrual irregularity or had a Hysterectomy in their 30s.

Well, in the midst of all of my heartache, confusion, and at the young age of 17, I was blessed with an 8lb 9oz lil girl. Oh my God, Instantly I was in love.  I had never loved another human in that way, she became my reason for living; everything I did was done for her. I no longer felt like I was robbing my parents of their grandparent experience. They fell in love with her and spoiled her rotten. A few years later, again I was blessed with an 8yr old lil girl. I can tell you that right now at this moment, my life as a mom is the greatest blessing of my life. I don’t feel a void, I no longer feel robbed, and I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything. I know the joys of motherhood and I know the pains. I know you are wondering about the logistics, if they are adopted, were they surrogates, did I do IVF or IUI, and a host of other questions. However, because I protect my children’s privacy and conception, I will not share that information(at least not now). Just know that they are mine(legally and otherwise) and I am so grateful. Even on those days when the youngest pushes me to the edge of insanity and I want to put her on the roof, I absolutely adore my life as a mom. So as you can see, in the end, my Useless Uterus was the avenue for one of my life’s greatest blessings.  Onward♥

Bug
My first love

 

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