My sister’s passing was to date, one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. There was no indication that death was on our horizon, she was doing well and optimistic about her future. February 29, 2016 was the day she suddenly passed away and the day, I lost it, LITERALLY. I have never encountered anything as crippling as sudden and unexpected death. To be talking to someone one minute and to hear the paramedic declaring them dead the next, is something that I still struggle to understand, 2 years later; how can this be my reality?
The days after my sister’s passing I was amped up on adrenaline, drowning in grief, and in post hysterectomy recovery, simultaneously. I was everywhere and nowhere. At the forefront of my mind was questions that I had no answers for. I was constantly asking, “how did this happen? What did I miss? Is this my fault? I was trapped in the maze of my mind and I didn’t know which way to turn. I found myself going through her cell phone, tablet, and wallet looking for clues, trying to find any indicator that would make my reality make sense. The more I searched the more grief-stricken I became; I was literally losing my mind, and then Coach said, “Mika, you have to make peace with pieces that she left.”
When someone passes away we are told to seek closure and move forward. Personally, I don’t believe in closure, to me, it is a myth. To seek closure is to close myself off from all the wonderful things that my sister and I shared. However, if I stay open(another thing Coach taught me) and allow myself to feel, I find comfort in all of the wonderful memories I have of my sister. When Coach told me to make peace with not knowing all the answers, as I sat with the notion of not having my questions answered, I was conflicted. If you know me, you know I want to know EVERY detail; I don’t do well with the unknown. However, as Coach kept teaching me how to find peace with the unknown, I began to let go of needing to know EXACTLY what happened and why. Of course her death certificate told me the medical reason but I wanted to know the reason that caused the reason. My quest for a reason pushed me into the complete mental breakdown that was bubbling below the surface of my entire being. Coach made me put an end to my investigative search through her things and put her items away until I was in a more stable emotional and mental space.
During my darkest days when I was lost and being consumed by grief and confusion, I could always hear Coach’s loving voice saying, “Mika, make peace with the pieces that she left.” Those words aided in bringing me out of the darkness and back to mental stability. To date, they are the some of the most life changing words I have ever heard, so much so, I had them tattooed onto my shoulder. My Life Coach came into a darkness that had me captured and helped me find my way to the light. She was the catalyst for me surviving the passing of my sister. Isn’t it amazing to know that God loves us enough to place people on our paths on purpose and on time? When I signed up for Coaching, I had no idea the impact it would have on my life nor did either of us know that it would be life saving.
Grief is a powerful force and we all respond to it differently. For me, the grief of my sister’s passing broke me but in breaking me, it opened me up to a life I’ve never known. I am living and learning in freedom that was once off-limits to me. My beloved sister taught me a lot while she was alive and in her passing she has taught me so much more. I miss her everyday but as I move through the stages of grief, I am healing and settling into my new normal. Plus, she occasionally visits me, another reason why I feel that telling people to seek closure is a true disservice, we’ll chat about it in another post.
If you have lost someone suddenly and you find yourself in the place were I once was, I encourage you to do exactly what Coach told me to do, “Make peace with the pieces..” Onward♥